嘻嘻哈哈的部落格(blog)

The One Where Mr. Heckles Dies

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Originally written by Michael Curtis and Greg Malins
Trascribed by Mindy Mattingly Phillips
With Minor Adjustments by: Eric Aasen

203 海先生之死
钱德说现女友鼻孔大得可以看见她的脑汁儿所以甩掉了她
——他总是善于用这种表面化的理由来逃避真正的男女关系。
海先生又上楼来抱怨噪音太大，吵到他的鸟儿了（他真的喂鸟了吗？）
菲比、瑞秋和乔伊模仿珍妮丝。
海先生死了，手里仍然握着扫帚。
很显然他是在捅楼顶抗议时猝死的。
菲比不相信进化论，这可急坏了罗斯；
他相信作为科研人员他有义务对菲比进行科普教育。
律师前来宣布，瑞秋和莫妮卡继承海先生的全部遗产；
清理遗产时，大伙发现海先生年轻时相当有趣。
钱德意识到自己和海先生惊人的相似，而闷闷不乐。
为了不像海先生一样在抑郁孤独中终老此生，他抓起他最后的救命稻草，打电话给珍妮丝……
没想到珍妮丝已经等不及他，和别人结婚并且有孕了。
瑞秋看上了海先生的贝壳台灯，莫妮卡说“我的”公寓里已经有台灯够用了，
瑞秋埋怨莫妮卡并没有把她当成自家人。

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CHANDLER: Hey.

MONICA: So how was Joan?

CHANDLER: I broke up with her.

Ross:Don’t tell me,because of the big nostril thing?

nostril n.鼻孔

CHANDLER: They were huge. When she sneezed, bats flew out of them.

sneeze n.喷嚏vi.打喷嚏

RACHEL: Come on, they were not that huge.

CHANDLER: I’m tellin’ you, she leaned back向后倾斜, I could see her brain.

MONICA: How many perfectly fine women are you gonna reject over the most superficial insignificant things?

insignificant adj.无关紧要的，可忽略的，无意义的

JOEY: Hold it慢着 hold it. I gotta side with Chandler on this one. When I first moved to the city, I went out a couple of times with this girl, really hot, great kisser, but she had the biggest Adam’s apple. It made me nuts.

side with v.与(某人)站在同一边, 和(某人)抱同样的见解/kisser n.接吻的人/ Adam’s apple n.喉结/nuts adj.热衷的, 发狂的,恶心的int.呸, 胡说

CHANDLER: You or me?

ROSS: I got it. Uh, Joey, women don’t have Adam’s apples.

JOEY: You guys are messin’ with me, right?

mess with v.搞糟,干扰 to唬弄

ALL: Yeah.

JOEY: That was a good one真是个不错的笑话. For a second there****, I was like, “whoa.”

PHOEBE: You name one woman that you broke up with for a real reason.

name vt.命名, 提名, 叫出, 指定

CHANDLER: Maureen Rosilla.

ROSS: Not hating Yanni is not a real正当的 reason.

Yanni:老友们要求钱德勒举出一个他以正当理由提出分手的人，钱德勒说了一个名字，但罗斯马上说：“不恨雅尼并不算一个真正的理由。”雅尼是一个希腊籍的钢琴师，他曾经在中国的紫禁城演出过。但由于他没有受过什么正规的音乐训练，因此一些比较正宗的乐迷都不太喜欢他，钱德勒显然就讨厌他，因此他甩掉了不太讨厌雅尼的女友。

(knock)

MONICA: Hello, Mr. Heckles.

MR. HECKLES: You’re doing it again.

MONICA: We’re not doing anything.

MR. HECKLES: You’re stomping重踏. It’s disturbing my birds.

RACHEL: You don’t have birds.

MR. HECKLES: I could have birds.

MONICA: Ok, Mr. Heckles, we’ll try to keep it down.

keep down v.卧下, 镇压, 控制, 缩减, 保留

MR. HECKLES: Thank you. I’m going to rejoin再加入 my dinner party.

RACHEL: All right, bye-bye.

CHANDLER: Ok, Janice. Janice. You gotta give me Janice. That wasn’t about being picky.

picky adj.吹毛求疵的, 好挑剔的, 过分讲究的

ROSS: We’ll give you Janice我同意是Janice.

PHOEBE: I miss Janice though. “Hello, Chandler Bing.”

RACHEL: “Oh, my, god.”

JOEY: “Oh, Chandler, now, now, that’s it. There, faster!”

MONICA: Stop with the broom扫帚, we’re not making noise.

RACHEL: We won. We won!

MONICA: Mr. Heckles.

RACHEL: How did this happen?

MR. TREEGER: He musta been sweepin’. They found a broom in his hand.

MONICA: That’s terrible.

MR. TREEGER: I know. I was sweepin’ yesterday. It coulda been me.

ROSS: Sure, sweepin’. You never know.

MR. TREEGER: You never know.

PHOEBE: Ok, it’s very faint微弱, but I can still sense him in the building. Go into the light进入光芒, Mr. Heckles!

Go into the light现身吧！

CHANDLER: Ok, Phoebe.

PHOEBE: I’m sorry, but sometimes they need help. That’s fine. Go ahead and scoff. You know, there’re a lot of things that I don’t believe in, but that doesn’t mean they’re not true.

scoff v.轻蔑地说, 嘲笑（+at）, 嘲弄, 贪吃, 狼吞虎咽

JOEY: Such as?

PHOEBE: Like crop circles, or the Bermuda triangle, or evolution?

crop circle n.麦田里的怪圈/Bermuda triangle百慕大三角洲/evolution n.进化，进化论/ Crop circles，the Bermuda triangle菲比说有些事情她虽然不相信，但并非说一定是不正确的。她举了三个例子：比如麦田怪圈(Crop circles)、百幕大三角(the Bermuda triangle)或者进化论。麦田怪圈是西方一些麦田突然出现巨大的怪圈，有人相信这背后有神秘力量。百幕大三角也是一个传说神秘力量聚集的地方。但菲比举了达尔文进化论的例子，这遭到了绝对相信科学的罗斯的竭力反对。

ROSS: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What, you don’t, uh, you don’t believe in evolution?

PHOEBE: Nah. Not really.

ROSS: You don’t believe in evolution?

PHOEBE: I don’t know, it’s just, you know…monkeys, Darwin, you know, it’s a, it’s a nice story, I just think it’s a little too easy.

ROSS: Too easy? Too…The process of every living thing on this planet evolving over millions of years from single-celled organisms, too easy?

evolve v.发展，使发展，进化/single-celled organisms单细胞生物/organism n.生物体, 有机体

PHOEBE: Yeah, I just don’t buy it.

buy it 放弃，被杀 to相信，买帐/buy v.<非正>同意，相信

ROSS: Uh, excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy进化论并不是信不信由你, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like, like, like the air we breathe, like gravity地心引力.

PHOEBE: Ok, don’t get me started on gravity.

ROSS: You uh, you don’t believe in gravity?

PHOEBE: Well, it’s not so much that you know, like I don’t believe in it, you know, it’s just…I don’t know, lately I get the feeling that I’m not so much being pulled down被拉下 as I am being pushed被压迫.

(knock)

CHANDLER: Uh-Oh. It’s Isaac Newton, and he’s pissed.

piss n.v.<俚>尿/pissed adj.<英俚>愤怒的，醉的/ Isaac Newton: 怪怪的菲比在说她对科学真理的怀疑时，她说她也不一定相信重力，因为有时她倒下 去时并没有感到有人在推自己那种强大的力量。钱德勒开玩笑说：“那是伊萨克·牛顿，他一定是撒屎去了。”牛顿是发现重力的著名物理学家，但钱德勒为了迎合菲比，把他说成了司重力的神，因此他离开撒尿就造成了菲比感觉的这种现象。

MR. TREEGER: There she is. And over there, that’s the other one. This is Mr. Buddy Boyle, Mr. Heckles’ attorney. He’d like to talk to you.

attorney n.<美>律师

MONICA: What can we do for you有何贵干?

MR. BOYLE: All right, kids. Here’s the deal. According to my client’s will遗嘱, he wants to leave all his earthly possessions to “the noisy girls in the apartment above mine”.

earthly adj.现世的, 可能的, 地球的, 俗世的/earthly possessions所有的遗产

MONICA: Well, what about his family?

MR. BOYLE: He didn’t have any.

RACHEL: Ok, so let’s talk money.

MR. BOYLE: All right, there was none. Let’s talk signing签名. You be noisy girl number one, you be noisy girl number two.

MONICA: I can’t believe that this whole time we thought he hated us. I mean, isn’t it amazing how much you can touch涉及 someone’s life, without even knowing it?…Would you look at this dump垃圾堆? He hated us. This is his final revenge报仇!

RACHEL: Have you ever seen so much crap废物?

CHANDLER: Actually, I think this apartment sullies the good name of crap

sully v.弄脏，玷污，使丢脸/sully the good name of 玷污了……的好名声

JOEY: Check this out看看这个. Can I have this?

ROSS: How can you not believe in evolution?

PHOEBE: Just don’t. Look at this funky shirt!

funk n.怯懦, 恐惧, 臭味, 恐怖/funky adj.胆战心惊的/funky shirt怪衬衫

ROSS: Pheebs, I have studied evolution my entire adult life. Ok, I can tell you, we have collected fossils from all over the world that actually show the evolution of different species, ok? You can literally see them evolving through time.

fossil n.化石/literally adv.逐字地to真正地(加强语气)

PHOEBE: Really? You can actually see it?

ROSS: You bet. In the U.S., China, Africa, all over.

PHOEBE: See语气词, I didn’t know that.

ROSS: Well, there you go这就是吧.

PHOEBE: Huh. So now, the real question is, who put those fossils there, and why?

CHANDLER: Hey, look at this. “My Big Book of Grievances.”

grieve v.(使)悲痛, (使)伤心, 忧伤/grievance n.委屈, 冤情, 不平

JOEY: Hey, there’s me! April 17th. Excessive noise. Italian guy comes homes with a date意大利男人带女伴回家约会. Hey Chandler, look, you’re in here too.

CHANDLER: April 18th, excessive noise. Italian guy’s gay roommate comes home with the dry-cleaning. Well that’s excellent.

dry-cleaning n.干洗好的衣服

RACHEL: Monica, Monica, look at this lamp. Is this tacky or what? We have to have this.

tacky adj.<非正>俗气的，邋遢的(tacky jewellery)

MONICA: Rache, I think we have enough regular合格的 lamps.

RACHEL: What? Come on, it’s not like I’m asking for this girly clock少女钟 or anything, which, by the way, I also think is very cool.

MONICA: It doesn’t go with与……相配 any of my stuff.

RACHEL: Well, what about my stuff?

MONICA: You don’t have any stuff.

RACHEL: You still think of it as your apartment, don’t you?

MONICA: No.

RACHEL: Yes you do. You think of it as your apartment, and I’m just somebody who rents a room.

MONICA: Mmmmm.

RACHEL: Ok, while you “mmm” on it for awhile, I’m gonna go find a place for my new lamp.

ROSS: Ok, Pheebs. See how I’m making these little toys move? Opposable thumbs. Without evolution, how do you explain opposable thumbs?

opposable adj.可反对的,可对立的

PHOEBE: Maybe the overlords needed them to steer their spacecrafts.

lord n.封建领主, 地主, 统治者, [宗]上帝/overlord n.最高统治主, 霸王/steer v.驾驶，掌舵

ROSS: Please tell me you’re joking.

PHOEBE: Look, can’t we just say that you believe in something, and I don’t.

ROSS: No, no, Pheebs, we can’t, ok, because–

PHOEBE: What is this obsessive need you have to make everyone agree with you? No, what’s that all about这是怎么回事? I think, I think maybe it’s time you put Ross under the microscope.

obsessive adj.强迫性的, 分神的/obsession n.迷住, 困扰

ROSS: Is there blood coming out of my ears?

JOEY: Check it out看看这个, check it out. Heckles’ high school yearbook年鉴/school yearbook同学录.

CHANDLER: Wow, he looks so normal.

PHOEBE: He’s even kind of cute.

JOEY: “Heckles, you crack me up in science class. You’re the funniest kid in school.

crack up v.撞坏, 健康崩溃, 吹捧/crack sb up使某人捧腹大笑

CHANDLER: Funniest? Heckles?

JOEY: That’s what it says上面是这么说的.

CHANDLER: Wow, Heckles was voted class clown, and so was I. He was right. Would you listen to that?

be voted被选为/clown n小丑/class clown班宝

PHOEBE: I’d call that excessive.

CHANDLER: Whoa!

JOEY: What?

CHANDLER: Heckles played clarinet in band, and I played clarinet. And he was in the scale modeler’s club, and I was, well, there was no club, but I sure thought they were cool.

clarinet n.单簧管，竖笛，黑管/scale moderler’s club模型俱乐部

JOEY: So, you were both dorks. Big deal？有什么大不了吗？

dork n.<俚>笨蛋

CHANDLER: I just think it’s weird, you know? Heckles and me, Heckles, and me, me and Heckles…Would you knock it off?

knock it off停止

JOEY: Have you been here all night?

CHANDLER: Look at this. Pictures of all the women that Heckles went out with. Look what he wrote on them. Vivian, too tall. Madge, big gums. Too loud, too smart, makes noise when she eats. This is, this is me. This is what I do. I’m gonna end up alone, just like he did.

gum n.牙龈/end up alone终生寡居

JOEY: Chandler, Heckles was a nut case.

nut n.<俚,贬>疯子

CHANDLER: Our trains are on the same track, ok? Yeah, sure, I’m coming up 30 years behind him我比他晚开30年, but the stops are all the same. Bitter Town愁苦城. Aloneville孤独镇. Hermit Junction隐士村.

hermit n.隐士，隐居者/junction n.连接, 接合, 交叉点, 汇合处

JOEY: All right, you know what we gotta do? We gotta get you outta here. Come on, I’ll buy you breakfast, let’s go.

CHANDLER: What if I never find someone? Or worse, what if I’ve found her, but I dumped her because she pronounced it “supposably”?

supposably adv.想象得到地，可假定地

JOEY: Chandler, come on, you’re gonna find somebody.

CHANDLER: How do you know that? How?

JOEY: I don’t know, I’m just tryin’ to help you out帮助你走出阴影to帮你下台.

CHANDLER: You’ll see, you guys are all gonna go off离开 and get married, and I’m gonna end up alone. Will you promise me something? When you’re married, will you invite me over for holidays?

JOEY: Well, I don’t know. I don’t know what we’re gonna be doin’. I mean, what if we’re at her folks父母‘ place?

CHANDLER: Yeah, I understand.

JOEY: You can come over过来 and watch the Super Bowl. Every year, all right?

CHANDLER: You know what? I’m not gonna end up like this. I’ll see you man兄弟呆会见.

JOEY: Supposably. Supposably. Did they go to the zoo? Supposably(Joey错误地理解为:或许吧).

Supposably： “ Supposedly ” is the standard form. “Supposably” can be used only when the meaning is “capable of being supposed,” and then only in the U.S. You won’t get into trouble if you stick with “supposedly.”[译文:supposedly是supposably的标准形式,supposably的意思仅仅局限在"能够被假定地",另外这个词只在美国被使用 .如果你不想和别人争论而陷入麻烦的话,你就可以坚持说supposedly(按照推测地)] joey显然不懂这个词的意思，所以造了个那样的句子。

CHANDLER: (on phone) Hi, it’s me.

JANICE: Oh, my, god.

PHOEBE: Janice? You called Janice?

CHANDLER: Yes, Janice. Why is that so difficult for you to comprehend理解?

ROSS: You remember Janice, right?

CHANDLER: Yes. She was smart, she was pretty, and she honestly cared about真诚地关心 me. Janice is my last chance to have somebody.

JANICE: Helloo!!

CHANDLER: Oh, my, god!

JOEY: Geez, look how fat she got.

JANICE: Hey, it’s everybody.

CHANDLER: Janice, you’re–

JANICE: Yes, I am.

CHANDLER: Is it–?

JANICE: Is it yours? Ha! You wish你真会幻想, Chandler Bing. You are looking at a married lady now.

CHANDLER: Congratulations.

JANICE: Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry.

CHANDLER: You couldn’t have told me about this on the phone?

JANICE: And what? Missed the expression on your face? Janice likes to have her fun找乐子.

MONICA: Hey, Rache. You know what we haven’t played in a while?

RACHEL: What?

MONICA: Hide the Lamp.

RACHEL: Monica, let it go算了吧.

MONICA: Did you know I was allergic to shellfish?

allergic adj.过敏的/allergy n.过敏症/shellfish n.有壳的水生生物(蟹,龙虾等)

RACHEL: Well, then, you’ll just have to eat the other lamps.

PHOEBE: Uh-oh. It’s Scary Scientist Man.

ROSS: Ok, Phoebe, this is it这些就是了. In this briefcase公文包 I carry actual scientific facts. A briefcase of facts, if you will. Some of these fossils are over 200 million years old 2亿年.

PHOEBE: Ok, look, before you even start, I’m not denying evolution, ok, I’m just saying that it’s one of the possibilities.

ROSS: It’s the only possibility, Phoebe.

PHOEBE: Ok, Ross, could you just open your mind like this much, ok? Wasn’t there a time when the brightest minds in the world believed that the world was flat? And, up until like what, 50 years ago, you all thought the atom was the smallest thing, until you split it open, and this like, whole mess of crap came out. Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can’t admit that there’s a teeny tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this?

there was a time when曾经……/split open裂开, 劈开, 爆裂/arrogant adj.傲慢的, 自大的/teeny tiny强调极小的

ROSS: There might be, a teeny, tiny, possibility.

PHOEBE: I can’t believe you caved.

cave vi.凹陷，投降vt.挖洞，使凹陷

ROSS: What?

PHOEBE: You just abandoned your whole belief system. I mean, before, I didn’t agree with you, but at least I respected you. How, how, how are you going to go into work tomorrow? How, how are you going to face the other science guys? How, how are you going to face yourself? Oh! That was fun. So who’s hungry?

RACHEL: I am. Let me just get my coat.

MONICA: Ok, all right. It was an accident, I swear, all right. I was putting on my jacket, and the thing, and the lamp, and it broke.

RACHEL: Oh, please, Monica. You’ve always hated my lamp, and then, all of a sudden, it’s just magically broken?

MONICA: Phoebe, tell her!

PHOEBE: Ok, I didn’t see it, because I was putting on my jacket, but I uh want to believe you.

RACHEL: Hey Chandler. Monica just broke my seashell海贝壳 lamp.

CHANDLER: Neat<俚,反语>真好. I’m gonna die alone.

RACHEL: Ok, you win.(你的痛苦更胜一筹)算你赢

MONICA: Chandler, you’re not gonna die alone.

CHANDLER: Janice was my safety net, ok? And now I have to get a snake养蛇.

safety net n.安全网

PHOEBE: Uh huh. Why is that?

CHANDLER: If I’m gonna be an old, lonely man, I’m gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I’ll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y’know. Crazy Snake Man. And I’ll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. “Run away from Crazy Snake Man,” they’ll shout!

hook n.钩，钓钩 to依靠,牵挂

MONICA: You have got to get over this. You’re not gonna end up alone.

CHANDLER: Of course I am. I reject anyone who’s crazy enough to actually go out with me, and then I bitch about the fact that there aren’t any great women out there.

bitch n.母狗, 母狼, 母狐, <俚>婊子/bitch up[俚]弄糟, 破坏(特指通过恶意的闲话)/bitch about抱怨

RACHEL: Chandler, you have just described virtually实质上 every man that we have ever gone out with.

MONICA: You are not a freak怪人. You’re a guy正常人.

RACHEL: She’s right. She’s right. You are no different than the rest of them.

MONICA: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Yes he is. You are totally different.

CHANDLER: In a bad way?

MONICA: No, honey, in a wonderful way. You know what you want now. Most guys don’t even have a clue. You are ready to take risks, you are ready to be vulnerable, and intimate with someone.

not have a clue毫无头绪， 什么也不知道/take risk承担风险/be vulnerable接受伤害/intimate with与……亲近/vulnerable adj.易受攻击的, 脆弱的/intimate adj.亲密的, 隐私的vt.宣布, 明白表示n.熟友

RACHEL: Yeah. You’re not gonna end up alone.

PHOEBE: Chandler, you called Janice! That’s how much you wanted to be with someone!

MONICA: You made it!

PHOEBE: You’re there!

RACHEL: You are ready to make a commitment!

commitment n.委托事项, 许诺, 承担义务

CHANDLER: Whoa! Don’t know about that.

RACHEL: What you got there? Something else that’s not yours that you can break?

MONICA: No. Um, I know you like this, and I want you to have it. I think it’ll look good in our apartment.

RACHEL: Thank you.

MONICA: That’s fine.

CHANDLER: Hey. Well, you will all be pleased to know that I have a date tomorrow night. This woman, Alison, from work. She’s great. She’s pretty, she’s smart. And uh, I’ve been holding off on asking her out in the past, because she has an unusually large head. But, I’m not gonna let that stuff hang me up anymore. Look at me. I’m growing我成熟了.

hold off v.不接近, 拖延, 不使接近=dalay/hang up v.挂断, 拖延, 把…挂起来

JOEY: Hey, uh, you can’t recycle yearbooks, can you?

recycle v.使再循环, 反复应用(意思是：扔了)

CHANDLER: I’ll take that.

JOEY: You want his yearbook?

CHANDLER: Yeah, yeah. Some people said some nice things about him. I think somebody should have it.

MONICA: Oh, gosh, this is so weird. I mean, his whole life was in this apartment, and now it’s gone. You know, I think it would be nice if we just took a few moments, for Mr. Heckles为Heckles默哀. I mean, he was kind of a pain, he was, but, he was a person. You’re all going to hell.

RACHEL: It’s really not that big其实没那么大!(注意not放的位置,和书面英语有很大的不同)

CHANDLER: Takin’ that with you, huh?

JOEY: Oh, yeah.

ROSS: You comin’?

CHANDLER: Yeah, jus’ second. Good-bye Mr. Heckles. We’ll try to keep it down=be quite.

ALISON: Oh, my major was totally useless. I mean, how often do you look in the classifieds and see “Philosopher wanted”?

classified v.分类=classified ad n.分类广告/philosopher n.哲学家

CHANDLER: Sure. (My god, that’s a big head! It didn’t look this big in the office. Maybe it’s the lighting照明. My head must look like a golf ball at work. All right, don’t get hung up on it, quick, quick, list five things you like about her: Nice smile, good dresser会打扮的女人…Big head, big head, big head!)

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