[815]The One With The Birthing Video

2010年5月6日

The One With The Birthing Video


Written by: Dana Klein Borkow
Transcribed by: Dan Gottleib

815 生育录像带

瑞秋搬去和罗斯住后,被迫跟着罗斯整天都看着Discovery Channel,还真学了不少东西。

菲比带了盘她朋友生孩子的录像带给瑞秋。

瑞秋搬走后,乔伊情绪低落,菲比借了朋友的狗给乔伊让他高兴起来,此狗号称”全世界最快乐的狗”。

这天是情人节,莫妮卡和钱德准备好好的享受一番。

钱德以为生育录像带是莫妮卡给他租的成人录相带就看了,惊得目瞪口呆。

莫妮卡好奇,钱德陪她又看了一遍,两人吓得在情人节什么也不敢做。

听到Mona的话,罗斯不敢告诉她瑞秋搬去和他住。

乔伊给狗讲瑞秋的故事,原本活泼快乐的狗变得精神萎靡。

Mona改变计划来找罗斯过情人节,发现瑞秋住在这里,和罗斯分手。

禁不住瑞秋的哀求,莫妮卡和钱德又陪她看了一遍录像带。加起来,钱德一共看了三次。

罗斯奇怪乔伊在情人节竟没伴儿,乔伊鼓起勇气告诉罗斯自己喜欢瑞秋。

8.15 The One With The Birthing Video

Rachel likes living with Ross, except for all the documentaries on the Discovery Channel.

Joey’s yearning for(v.渴望) Rachel worsens(n.情况变坏).

Phoebe brings over a friend’s dog to cheer Joey up.

Soon even the dog is bummed out.

Mona gives Ross salt-water taffy, and Ross reveals his knowledge of boring taffy trivia(n.琐事).

Valentine’s Day is ruined for Chandler after he watches a child-birth video (which he mistook for porn).

Monica doesn’t understand why he‘s so bothered by it, until she watches it as well.

Then Rachel (for whom the video was intended) gets a bit freaked out, too.

Ross prepares just the right way to tell Mona that Rachel has moved in with him.

But Mona comes over to his apartment early and finds out ahead of schedule(adv.提前).

Then she dumps him.

Ross, sensing Joey’s mood, gets him to talk about his “girl trouble.”

Joey reveals (to Ross) his feelings for Rachel.


[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is getting a cup of coffee as Joey and Phoebe enter and sit down.]

Phoebe: Oh! Hey, Rach!

Rachel: Hi! Hey, Happy Valentine’s Day!

Phoebe: Oh, you too.

Joey: Hey, so, uh, how’s it going living over at Ross’?

Rachel: It’s good. Except he makes us watch the Discovery Channel all day long. Did you know that something really boring happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages? (to the waitress handing her a cup of coffee) Oh, thank you. I’ll see you guys later.

the Middle Ages n.中世纪 中古时代/Discovery Channel is a property of Discovery Communications primarily packaged as a network entertainment brand distributed in virtually every pay-television market in the world.The network brand is primarily known for its variety of science programming, particularly documentaries and nature shows. The Discovery Channel network brand launched on June 17, 1985 in the United States.The Discovery Channel also is the branding for a multitude of stores in malls across America and also an online store. Educational gifts are its specialty.

Phoebe: Okay.

Joey: Bye.

(Rachel exits with coffee)

Joey: There’s one lucky to-go cup of coffee.

to-go adj.外卖的

Phoebe: (sighs) Honey, I wish you would get over her. I hate seeing you like this. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want to look down my top?

Joey: Thanks. But maybe later.

Phoebe: Oh, Gunther, can I get a scone?

scone <英>烤饼 司康

Gunther: (to Joey) You want anything?

Joey: You know what I want? I want a lot of things! I want to be with the woman I love on Valentine’s Day! And I want her to love me back! And I want just one moment of relief from the gut-wrenching pain of knowing that that’s never gonna happen!

want sb to do sth/wrench vt.猛扭 猛拧[eg: He wrenched the knob off when he was trying to open the door]/ gut-wrenching<俚>extremely painful feeling, feeling of nervous energy and emotional pain 这个俚语表达的是一种非常痛苦的感觉,极大的感情伤害引起的痛楚(撕心裂肺的痛)。你可以用这个俚语表达你感觉到情感上很受伤,情感上的痛.需要注意的是它和另外一个日常用语”gut feeling.”无关, “gut feeling.”是指来自直觉和本能上的感觉,和痛苦无关,可不要混淆噢![eg:I’ve had this gut-wrenching feeling since we lost the game. I just can’t get over it. I feel so sad that we lost. I wish I could go back in time and change the outcome]

Gunther: We have red bagels.

bagel

Joey: Oh, okay.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s. Ross and all the three girls are sitting in the living room talking.]

MonicaSo how do you guys like living together so far?

RossOh, it’s been good.

RachelYeah. Except Ross is more uptight about crumbs than you are.

uptight <口>烦躁的 急躁不安的[eg:He was very uptight about his daughter’s scraggly(adj.凌乱的邋遢的)-looking boyfriends]/crumb n.面包屑

RossThere was a drumstick in the couch.

drumstick

MonicaAnd I am not uptight about crumbs.It’s just that, you know…crumbs attract mice. And mice leave droppings. And that’s how the plague started. So you wanna relive that again….

dropping n.(pl.)鸟兽的粪便/relive vt. (在想像中)再体验再经历

RachelMice didn’t start the plague. Rats did. Rattus norvegicus, to be exact. Oh, good God, Ross. Nick at Nite, once in a while. All right, I’m going.

Nick at Nite (sometimes spelled Nick @ Nite, by its current logo) is the evening programming block broadcast over Nickelodeon Sunday–Thursdays from 9 PM–6 AM and Friday–Saturdays from 10 PM–6 AM Eastern and Pacific Standard Time. Nickelodeon is known for its kids’ shows during the day, while Nick at Nite appeals to adult audiences with a lineup of classic television; largely Viacom-owned syndicated sitcoms, shown with about a ten-year lag(n.间歇). At the choice of Viacom, and despite being aired on the same channel as Nickelodeon, Nick at Nite is treated in the Nielsen Media Research as a separate television network, similar to Adult Swim, a programming block on Cartoon Network.

Rattus norvegicus  n.褐家鼠

MonicaBye. Oh,Phoebe, will you wait here? I wanna get your opinion on something.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Phoebe: So, Ross,how does Mona feel about you and Rachel living together?

Ross: Oh, I’m actually on my way to tell her right now. Yeah, she’s been away all week visiting her parents, but she’ll be cool. I mean, she’s been so supportive. She-she even got the baby a tiny T-shirt that says, ‘Fossils are my friends.’

be on one’s way to do (还没做)行将要做…

Phoebe: Ugh. Come on, Mona, don’t kiss ass.

kiss ass<俚>拍马屁

Ross: Uh, I’m going to take off.

Phoebe: All right. Oh! Shoot! Oh shoot! Uh, Rachel wanted to see this tape!

Ross: What is it?

Phoebe: It’s a video of my friend giving birth. Could you just bring it back to your apartment?

Ross: All right. (reading the label) ‘Candy and Cookie?’

Phoebe: Yeah. Candy’s the mother, Cookie’s the daughter. The father’s also Cookie. Why am I friends with these people?

Monica: (entering with something behind her back) Phoebe, c’m here. I want to show you something in the bathroom.

Phoebe: Oh, Monica, grow up!

Ross: Hey, what is behind your back?

Monica: Nothing. Just something I want to get Phoebe’s opinion on for Valentine’s Day.

Ross: You don’t want my opinion?

Monica: Not really.

Ross: Come on, I’m your older brother, ask me!

Monica: All right, big brother. (holds up two erm…revealing articles of clothing) Which of these do you think would make your little sister look hotter, so your best friend would want to do her?

revealing adj.袒胸露肩的/article n.(物品的)一件[eg: She had several articles of clothing in her bag]

Ross: (quietly) The red one.

quietly adv.静静地

[Scene: Joey and…wait…just Joey’s. Joey is sitting at the counter eating a pizza.]

Phoebe: (knocking and entering) Hey. Look, I know you’ve been really depressed lately, so I brought someone over to cheer you up. Right outside this door is a real, live, furry playmate.

furry adj.多毛的 毛茸茸的/playmate n.玩伴

Joey: No, I’m not sleeping with your friend Jane again.

(Phoebe goes into the hall and brings a dog inside!)

Phoebe: He-hee!

Joey: Hey! A dog! Hi! Who, you got to admit, looks a lot like Jane.

Phoebe: This is the happiest dog in the world. I borrowed him from my friend Wendy. Now, you can keep him until he cheers you up. And he will cheer you up! I borrow him myself from time to time when I get depressed thinking about world hunger, poverty.Not to trivialize your pain.

from time to time adv.有时/trivialize vt.使平凡 使相形见拙 使微不足道

Joey: Thanks so much, Pheebs! (to the dog) We are going to have so much fun, yes we are! (the dog sticks his head between Joey’s legs) Oh! Not that kind of fun.

[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s. Chandler enters with a bouquet of roses.]

Chandler: Happy Valentine’s!

Saint Valentine’s Day or Valentine’s Day falls on February 14. It is the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other by sending Valentine’s cards, often anonymously. The holiday is named after two men, both Christian martyrs(n.殉教者) named Valentine. The day became associated with romantic love in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.The day is now most closely associated with the mutual exchange of love notes in the form of “valentines”. Modern Valentine symbols include the heart-shaped outline(n.外形) and the figure of the winged(adj.有翼的) Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten(adj.手写的) notes have largely given way to mass-produced greeting cards. The Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately one billion valentines are sent each year worldwide, making the day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year behind Christmas. The association estimates that women purchase approximately 85 percent of all valentines. In the United States, the marketing of Valentine’s Day has tagged it as a “Hallmark holiday”.

Monica: (from her bedroom) Okay! I’ll be right out. I’m slipping into something a little less comfortable, and a little more slutty.

slip into v.滑入

Chandler: (picking up a video from the table)‘Candy and Cookie’.‘Candy and Cookie?’ Monica got me porn?! Girl-on-girl porn?! She really must love me!! (Chandler runs over to the TV, puts the tape in, and sits down to enjoy some “porn”)

(A woman on TV breaths hard)

Man on TV: Yeah, just relax.

Chandler: I love you, St. Valentine.

(The woman groans, moans, grunts, and screams. Chandler’s eyes get huge!)

Chandler: Woah, woah, that’s not pretty!

Man on TV: Now, push!

Woman on TV: Ow! Ow! Ooh! That hurts!

Chandler: Worst porn ever! Worst porn ever! (Chandler starts to press buttons on the remote control, frantically.)

Woman on TV: Ohhh! Make it stop!

Chandler: I am trying!

[Scene: Joey’s. Joey is playing fetch with the dog.]

Joey: Get the ball, ready? Get the ball, get the ball! (Joey pretends to throw it, but really doesn’t, and the dog goes running off.) Well, you’re cute, but you’re not too smart!

(The dog returns with a ball that looks exactly like the same one Joey has.)

Joey: (looking at the ball the dog brought back) Did I just throw this?

Rachel: (entering) Hi.

Joey: Hi.

Rachel: I accidentally packed these with my stuff. (looks at the dog and gasps) Who is this?

accidentally adv.不小心地

Joey: Oh, that’s, uh, that’s Phoebe’s friend’s dog. I don’t know what his real name is, but I call him Mozzarella.

Mozzarella n.意大利白干酪

Rachel: (talking with a higher voice, and puckered lips…kind of like you do to a baby or…well…a puppy…it’s hard to explain. Just use your imagination!) Oh, well, you are so cute! I wish I could play with you more, but I’ve got to go to work! I hope I stop talking like this before my marketing meeting, yes I do. Yes I do. (still talking like that) Bye-bye, Joey. Oh, I seriously can’t stop it. (exits)

pucker vi.皱起 缩拢 噘(嘴)[eg: Her little mouth puckered up and tears filled her eyes]

puckered lips

Joey: (to the dog) C’mere. Hey. C’mere. That’s Rachel. She’s the one who used to live here. Might as well be honest with you—we love her. But we can’t have her. I really miss her. Well, hey, you understand, right? You’re a guy. (thinks about it and picks up the dog and looks) Well, you used to be.

might as well be honest with you就和你坦白吧

[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s. Chandler is sitting on the couch staring at the tape on the coffee table with his eyes huge and his mouth wide open.]

Monica: (entering from her bedroom) So what do you think? (referring to her outfit)

(Chandler glances up at Monica with his mouth still wide open and his eyes still huge)

Monica: (to herself) I’ve still got it!

Chandler: (pointing at the video) Why did you get me this?

Monica: What is it?

Chandler: It’s yelling…bleeding…dilating. Oh, the dilating…

dilate v.扩大 膨胀

Monica: Is this the video of the baby being born? Sweetie, this is Phoebe’s. Why were you even watching it?

Chandler: I thought…maybe…you got me porn for Valentine’s Day.

Monica: Chandler, if you thought I was going to get you porn for Valentine’s Day… (pulls a video out of a basket) you were right! Apparently, it’s about a young girl who moves to the big city, you know, in search of stardom, but ends up having sex with a lot of guys! Yeah, it got four stars! (looks closer) Oh, wait a minute. Those aren’t stars. Anyway, you want to take a look?

in search of stardom adv.追求明星梦

Chandler: Well, I’m not really in a sexy mood right now.

Monica: Honey, what’s going on?

Chandler: Well, remember the first time we saw Jaws?

Monica: Mm-hmm.

Chandler: How long it took to go back in the water?

how long it take to… 花了多久才…

Monica: Chandler, we can’t let this tape wreck Valentine’s Day! You gotta get past it.Just get back on the horse. Otherwise, the horse is gonna go into the bedroom and change into her sweatpants.

Get back on the horse重振雄风(重新上母马)

Chandler: You don’t know. You didn’t see it.

Monica: Child-birth, it’s a natural thing! It’s beautiful.

Chandler: Oh, beautiful? Really? Beautiful? You think this is beautiful? (picks up the remote and presses a button, and he immediately makes a face that just looks like he’s going to throw up!)

Monica: Oh! Oh, my God! No wonder my mother hates me!

Chandler: See, honey, there’s—(puts his hand on her leg)

Monica: Don’t touch me!

[Scene: Central Perk. Ross is sitting on the couch reading a magazine as Mona enters.]

Mona: Hi!

Ross: Hey! (they hug) So, how was Atlantic City?

Atlantic City is a city in Atlantic County, New Jersey, USA. As of the United States 2000 Census, the city population was 40,517. It is a resort community located on Absecon Island, off the Atlantic Ocean coast of New Jersey. Other municipalities(n.市政当局) on the island are Ventnor City, Margate City, and Longport. The main route onto the island containing Atlantic City is the Atlantic City Expressway(n.高速公路).

Mona: Good.

Ross: Yeah?

Mona: I brought you back a present.

Ross: Wha—? Oh, come on. You didn’t have to—saltwater taffy?! (Mona laughs) Thanks! You know,this is interesting. You know, most people think this is made with sea water, but it’s actually made with, uh, salted fresh water. That’s not interesting.

saltwater adj.海产的 盐水的/be made with v.由…作成/fresh water n.淡水

saltwater taffy

Mona: I think it’s interesting.

Ross: I do too! I missed you!

Mona: I missed you, too! So, how was your week?

Ross: Oh, it was good! It was good. Actually, the baby started kicking!

Mona: How exciting!

Ross: It was amazing.The only sad thing is I wasn’t around when it happened for the first time.

Mona: Oh no.

Ross: Yeah, I’m missing out on all this other stuff, too. So, Joey suggested Rachel move in with me.

miss out v.遗漏 错过(+on)

Mona: (laughing) Yeah right!

Ross: What?

Mona: Joey cracks me up! It’s like,‘Yeah, why don’t you have your ex-wife move in with you? That wouldn’t be awkward at all!’ (she laughs again)

crack sb up<俚>make someone feel very funny

Ross: (not amused) Huh…uh-huh.

Mona: Huh, could you imagine? I go away for a few days, and come back, and my boyfriend is living with some woman he got pregnant! (Mona laughs…yes…again!)

(Ross fake laughs, obviously not finding this funny, and he’s starting to panic, so he shoves the whole saltwater taffy he’s eating in his mouth)

shove vt.<口>猛推

Mona: So, what’d you tell him?

Ross: (with his mouth full) Just a second! (he fake laughs, but turns his head and starts to break down)

break down v.崩溃 快哭出来了

Commercial Break

[Scene: Central Perk. Ross and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.]

Phoebe: How could you not tell Mona that Rachel is living with you?

Ross: I don’t know, she seemed to think it was such a crazy idea! Um, plus, she, uh, she got me taffy!

Phoebe: Taffy, really? I’ve never had any.

Ross: Ever?!

Phoebe: Well, I think my mother was too busy planning her suicide to provide saltwater treats. (Ross hands her one) Thank you! So what, you’re just never gonna tell her?

Ross: Oh, no, no, no, I will! I just want to butter her up, first! You know, I’m going to take her to an amazing Valentine’s dinner. Do all this romantic stuff, and then, just when she thinks I’m the best boyfriend in the world, then I’m going to tell her that my pregnant ex-girlfriend is living with me.

To butter up someone:butter这个字可能大家都早已知道,就是西方人经常吃的黄油。但是,在 to butter up someone这个习惯用语里,butter这个字是用做动词。To butter up someone并不是真的在某人身上涂黄油。作为俗语,to butter up someone是指对人不寻常地客气,过份地奉承,目的是在于赢得此人的好感,或者是要他给你一种特别的好处。To butter up someone这个习惯用语的形成可能是因为面包上涂了黄油味道就好多了,或者是因为黄油很滑溜,就像那些奉承别人的话听起来很顺耳那样。下面是一个公司的雇员在说一个会拍马的同事。[eg1: Harry is working hard to butter up the boss to get that promotion. The funny thing is if he worked as hard at his job as he does at buttering up people, he’d have a better chance to get what he’s after][eg2:I believe some people are simply born with the talent of buttering up people. Don’t you think I haven’t tried. I did, but I felt so awkward about flattering people. So I’ve given up a long time ago]

Phoebe: If I haven’t said it before: she’s a lucky, lucky lady! So, where are you going to—what the mother of crap is up with this stuff? (Referring to the taffy, which she’s been chewing this whole time.) Oh, God. Is it gum, is it food? What’s the deal? (she swallows it, finally) Oh, it’s nice! May I try a pink one?

Ross: So I just have to plan the perfect night. Hey, what’s the best date you ever had?

Phoebe: Last year, Greg Hayman took me to a very nice sushi dinner.Then we took a romantic walk to a nearby research lab where we trashed the place and freed 20 monkeys.

trash <美口>捣毁 破坏/free vt.释放

Ross: I knew it! I knew I wasn’t crazy! Last year, a monkey did attack me at the bus stop!

[Scene: Joey’s. Joey is laying on his recliner, depressed, and the dog is laying on the footrest.]

Joey: So, between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross, it just isn’t gonna happen. It would be like you falling in love with a cat.

Phoebe: (entering) Hey!

Joey: Hey.

Phoebe: Hey, buddy. How’s my favorite dog, huh? How’s my favorite dog? (the dog doesn’t move) You’re subdued. (to Joey) Did you give him a beer?

subdued adj.顺从的 抑制住的 压抑的

Joey: No.

Phoebe: Will you excuse us, we need to talk for a moment.

Joey: Yeah, sure. Go ahead. (pause) Oh, me, right!

(Joey follows Phoebe into the kitchen)

Phoebe: He’s miserable! What happened to him?

miserable adj.痛苦的

Joey: Nothing. We just talked about stuff.

Phoebe: What stuff?

Joey: Rachel stuff.

Phoebe: Oh…Joey, you bummed him out! This is the happiest dog in the world, and he spends half a day with you, and look at him!

bum sb out<俚>使某人难受 不开心

Joey: He’s breathing!

Phoebe: Okay, well, he’s watching us so just look happy, okay?(fakes laugh) Okay, I’m going to take him back to Wendy’s.

Joey: No, no, no, no! He’s fine! Look, look, look! (picks up the ball) Here’s your ball! Get your ball! Get your ball! (he throws the ball and it bounces right next to the dog) Get your ball! Of course. You don’t want a tennis ball.Now you can have a meatball. Come on, get the meatball. My God, what have I done to you, huh? I broke the dog! Pheebs, I broke the dog! Thanks

meatball/break vt.弄坏

[Scene: Ross and…Rachel’s…I guess I have to call it that now. Rachel is reading on the couch as Ross enters.]

Ross: Well, I’m, uh, going to pick up Mona. What have you got going on tonight?

Rachel: Oh, I’ve got big Valentine’s plans! I’ve got my Chinese food on the way, and the rest of your saltwater taffy!

Ross: Y’know, it’s interesting! Most people think that’s made with seawater, when in fact—

Rachel: Ross, we actually watched the documentary together.

documentary n.纪录片

(There is a knock on the door.)

Rachel: Ooh! My Chinese food! Let me get my cash! (runs to her room to get her money)

Ross: (opening the door to see Mona standing there) Mona? What are—hi! What are you doing here? I’m, um, supposed to pick you up!

Mona: Change of plans, I made you a special Valentine’s dinner! Surprise!

Ross: (he makes some really weird noise here that sounds kind of like…)Ayyyayyyy!

Rachel: (entering) Oh, hey, Mona!

Mona: Hi! Hi. Hi, Rachel! (to Ross) What’s she doing here?

Ross: I have no idea!

Rachel: I’ll be watching TV if anybody needs me. (exits to her room)

Mona: Seriously, what is she doing?

Ross: Uh…lately, she just likes hanging out here.

Mona: Why?

Ross: I think she’s lonely.

Mona: Okay, but it’s Valentine’s Day!

Ross: I know.

Mona: Can’t we just ask her to go?

Ross: No, no. She’s way too emotional. And by emotional I mean crazy.

(Doorbell rings)

Rachel: I’m not here! That’s just my Chinese food!

Mona: Oh, my God! She has food delivered here?

Ross: Mm-hmm. She’s—she’s emotional, but, but ballsy.

ballsy adj.有胆量的 有种的

Rachel: You know what I’m gonna do? I’m going to get in my sweats, and eat this in bed! (exits)

Ross: And you thought she was gonna be in our way! So, why don’t you, uh, open the champagne, and I’ll be right back. I’ve got a surprise for you.

be in our way 妨碍我们

Mona: You got another ex-wife back there?

Ross: (fakes a laugh) Please start drinking! (exits)

Rachel: (entering) I’m just going to grab the phone.

Mona: Oh, Rachel! Wait! Hey, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but, but, um… what are you doing?

don’t take this the wrong way 请不要误解

Rachel: Oh, I’m sorry! Do you need the phone?

Mona: No, no. Listen, Ross is too nice to say anything, but this is his apartment, and, and, we gotta have some boundaries, so why don’t you go back to your place and give us some privacy?

boundary n.边界 分界线[eg: The river is the boundary between the two countries]

Rachel: (as Ross enters with a present) But, but, Mona, I live here.

Ross: (handing Mona the present) Happy Valentine’s Day! …Or something to remember me by.

[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch still staring at the screen.]

Monica: How long has it been this time?

Chandler: 90 seconds.

Monica: That’s better. 90 seconds is a long time not to think about it…except all I did was think about it.

Chandler: You know, it haunts me? Up‘til now, the worst thing I ever saw, was my father doing tequila shots off the naked houseboy. After this, I would gladly make that my screensaver!

haunt vt.(思想,回忆等)萦绕在…心头 使困扰[eg: The grafter(n.收贿者) was constantly haunted by fear of discovery]/shot n. (烈酒等的)一小杯/houseboy n.男仆/screensaver n.屏保

tequila shots

Monica: Okay, well, we have to get past this! Why don’t we get rid of the tape and pretend it never existed?

Chandler: I can do that.

Monica: Okay.

(Chandler takes the tape and sticks it under the chair cushion)

chair cushion

Chandler: Okay. Now all we’ve got to do is get rid of this chair.

(Chandler crawls over to Monica and they move in to kiss, but they can’t do it and back up. They move in to kiss again, and kiss very awkwardly for a second, until someone knocks on the door.)

awkwardly adv.笨拙地

Monica: Oh, thank God!

Chandler: Oh, I know!

Monica: Come in!

Rachel: (entering) Hi! I’m so sorry to barge in on your Valentine’s, but I had to get away from all the yelling. Mona is dumping Ross.

barge in v.闯入

Monica: Oh, my God.

Chandler: Poor Ross.

(Monica and Chandler both look at each other and run over to the window to watch the action in Ross’ apartment)

Chandler: Oh, great. We have to watch him do yoga in his underwear, but for this he closes the drapes!

Monica: Rach, you know that birthing tape you wanted to see? It’s here.

Chandler: Oh, and we should warn you, before you watch it: don’t watch it.

Rachel: Why? You saw it? Is it scary?

Chandler: Well, let’s just say it’s ironic how footage of someone being born can make you want to kill yourself.

ironic adj.具有讽刺意味的 出乎意料的[eg: It’s ironic that the weakest student in mathematics was elected class treasurer]/ footage n.(影片的)连续镜头

Monica:  Honey, she may not have to watch it but she’s going to have to do it.

Rachel: Well, now, wait. Now I’m all freaked out. Come on, you guys will watch it with me?

Monica: No, but I will leave a sweater that smells like me right next to you!

Rachel: Monica, come on. You want to have kids.

Monica: I do.But the stork is gonna bring mine.

stork <鸟>鹳(送子鸟)/In Greek mythology, Gerana was an Æthiope, the enemy of Hera[n.宙斯神的妻(赫拉)], who changed her into a stork, a punishment Hera also inflicted on Antigone, daughter of Laomedon of Troy (Ovid, Metamorphoses 6.93). Stork-Gerana tried to abduct(vt.诱拐) her child, Mopsus. This accounted, for the Greeks, for the mythic theme of the war between the pygmies(n.侏儒族) and the storks. In popular Western culture, there is a common image of a stork bearing an infant wrapped in cloths held in its beak(n. 喙); the stork, rather than absconding(vi.潜逃) with the child Mopsus, is pictured as delivering the infant, an image of childbirth(n.分娩).

Rachel: C’mon, seriously, you guys, you’re not going to make me watch this alone!

Monica: She’s right…of course not. Honey, get the tape.

Chandler: (with his arm all the way under the cushion, moving it around) This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape.

Rachel: Oh, sure. But if you leave a drumstick under there and you’re a bad roommate.

Chandler: (Chandler puts the tape in, and they all sit down) Okay, here we go.

Rachel: Okay. (watching the tape) Ooh, my! (Rachel jumps when the woman starts screaming) Woah! Why is that baby torturing that woman?!

Chandler: Why have I seen this thing three times?!

Monica: It’s…still beautiful.

Rachel: Uh! It’s horrible!

Monica: I know! I know, I’m so sorry for you!

Rachel: Oh, my God!

(Monica and Rachel both cover their eyes)

Rachel:  What do I do? I don’t want to do this! How do I get out of it?

Chandler: Wait, you guys, look!

Rachel: What? Did her ass explode?!

Chandler: No, the baby’s out! Look, look!

Monica: Oh, look at those little fingers and toes!

Chandler: And look how happy the mom is now!

Monica: Oh…Rach!

Rachel: Oh, screw you guys, you don’t have to do it!

[Scene: Central Perk. Ross is getting coffee as Joey comes from…God knows where! Some back area of Central Perk around the corner that we’ve never seen! Weeeiiirrrddd….]

Ross: Hey, hey, man!

Joey: Hey, what’s up?

Ross: Uh…Mona just dumped me.

Joey: Oh, man, I’m sorry. Why?

Ross: Well, with everything that’s been going on lately, I haven’t exactly been the perfect boyfriend. You know, I mean, uh, I didn’t tell her I got Rachel pregnant. I gave her a key to my apartment, and then had the locks changed! And then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me. In a way, I actually judge her for not breaking up with me sooner, you know?

in a way adv.在某种程度上/judge v.(责)怪

Joey: Still, that really sucks, man. Especially on Valentine’s Day.

Ross: Yeah. Wait a minute. What are you doing here? Joey Tribbiani without a date on Valentine’s Day? What’s going on, huh? Girl trouble?

Joey: Sort of.

Ross: Really?!

Joey: You don’t have to seem so happy about it.

Ross: Oh, sorry. Well, look, maybe I can help.

Joey: Oh, I…I d—

Ross: Hey, whatever it is, I am sure it has happened to me. Y’know, actually once—once I got dumped during sex.

(Two girls sitting at a table next to them look up in disgust, and Ross and Joey move away)

move away v.走开

Ross: Anyway, so, uh, so what is it?

Joey: Forget about it. It’s no big deal.

Ross: C’mon! Joey! What is it?

Joey: It’s nothing.

Ross: Hey, hey, it’s me. Why can’t you tell me?

Joey: Okay, uh…sit down. (they do) Um… there’s this woman that I like. A lot. But, uh…it can’t happen.

Ross: She’s not a Tribbiani?

Joey: No!

Ross: I knew it. So, is she someone from work?

Joey: Yes.

Ross: Well, uh, does she like you?

Joey: Sometimes I think maybe she could. But it doesn’t matter, because I can’t do anything about it.

Ross: Why not?

Joey: Well, it’s complicated. She’s with this other guy. For a long time. Someone from work, too. And I could never do that to the guy, because we’re really good friends.

Ross: Wait, I thought you hated everyone at work.

Joey: No, no. I only say that so that Chandler won’t feel threatened because I’m his only friend.

Ross: Excuse me?

Joey: Sorry, sorry. And I’m your only friend too.

Ross: So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh… is he still in love with her?

Joey: No. I don’t think so.

Ross: Okay. Um… is he a good guy?

Joey: Yeah, he’s the best.

Ross: Then talk to him! He might be fine with it.

Joey: Oh, I don’t know.

Ross: Joey, it’s worth finding out. I mean, if you really like her.

Joey: I do! So much! I can’t stop thinking about her! I can’t sleep, I—

Ross: (interrupts) Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself.

Gunther: (placing a cup in front of Ross) Here’s your warm milk.

Ross: I’m going to…uh…I’m going to, um, put the bourbon in it at home.

Bourbon is an American form of whiskey made from (pursuant[adj.依照的] to U.S. trade law) at least 51% corn, or maize(n.玉米) — typically about 70% — with the remainder(n.剩余) being wheat and/or rye(n.黑麦), and malted barley(n.麦芽). It is distilled to no more than 160 (U.S.) proof, and aged in new charred oak barrels for at least two years — or perhaps longer. The two years maturation process is not a legal requirement for a whiskey to be called “bourbon,” but it is a legal requirement for “straight bourbon.” However, in practice(adv.实际上), many bourbon whiskeys are aged for no less than four years. Bourbon must be put into the barrels(n.桶) at no more than 125 U.S. proof. Generally, it is then adjusted to 80–100 proof[n.(酒精 酒类的)浓度标准 度] and bottled. Some (mostly non-U.S.) jurisdictions do not allow alcoholic beverages with over 40% alcohol content to be sold. However, the recent trend among distillers has been to return to higher proofs, and even “cask(n.桶) strength” bottlings(n.装瓶).一种美国威士忌酒(用玉米酿成 产于肯塔基州的Bourbon)

Joey: Oh, yeah.

Ross: Anyway… seriously, uh…just…just talk to the guy, okay? And tell me how it goes. (walks towards the door until…)

Joey: It’s Rachel.

(Ross just stands in the doorway, for like a minute…Ahh! What’s going to happen next??!!! I can’t make it all the way through the Olympics!!!)

Closing Credits

[Scene: Ross and Rachel’s. Rachel is standing in front of the TV holding a video.]

Rachel: (thinking) You’re gonna have a baby, and you need to be prepared. Now, you’re going to make yourself watch the whole thing. Just do it! (Rachel puts the tape in the VCR)

Woman on TV: I came to the big city to become a star! I’ll do…anything to make that happen!

Man on TV: Anything?

(Music starts playing…yes…you know what kind of music…)

Rachel: (thinking) Hmm…maybe it starts with how she gets pregnant.I wonder which one of these guys becomes the father. No, no. Can’t get pregnant that way.

start with v.以…开始

End

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