The One With The Joke

2009年10月9日

The One With The Joke


Teleplay by: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen
Story by: Shana Goldberg-Meehan
Transcribed by: Eric Aasen

612 笑话

罗斯在《花花公子》杂志上读到一个笑话,钱德却说这个笑话是他发明的。

三个姑娘受好奇心驱使,细细研究杂志中的女子,后来她们开始一场讨论–站在男人的立场进行选择的话,会选三个女人中哪一个来约会呢?

菲比选了瑞秋, 这样较有挑战性,而且最终会伤感收场。

乔伊的有线电视和电话都因欠费而被掐断,为赚取外快,他到咖啡馆兼差当侍者。

为了赶去试镜,乔伊竟让咖啡馆停业一小时,结果遭咖啡馆解雇。

瑞秋为乔伊出头,向阿甘美言了几句。阿甘无抵抗的服从了。

6.12 The One With The Joke

Ross gets a joke published in Playboy, but Chandler claims it’s his.

The girls are curious and peruse(v.细读) the Playboy to check out the women, and get into a discussion of which one of the three each would chose to date if they had to pick.

Phoebe choses Rachel, which leads to Monica’s competition and hurt feelings.

Joey’s cable and phone are disconnected because he couldn’t pay.

He takes a job as a waiter at the coffee house to earn some extra money.

After closing the shop for an hour so he can go to an audition, he is fired.

But Rachel tells Gunther to give Joey his job back, and of course Gunther complies(vi.顺从 答应).


[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel and Monica are there. Ross walks in with a magazine in his hand.]

Ross: Hey, check this out,you’re not going to believe this.

Chandler: Yes, Ross, we know they have magazines with pictures of naked women in them.

Rachel: Don’t tell him about the videos!

Ross: I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it!

Phoebe: I didn’t know Playboy prints jokes.

Ross: Yeah, they print jokes, interviews, hard-hitting journalism. It’s not just about the pictures.

hard-hitting <口>Effective forceful.有力的/journalism n.(总称)报章杂志

Monica: That didn’t work on mom, it’s not going to work on us.

Ross: (showing them the page) Here, check it out. It’s the first one, too.

(They all laugh indifferently, except Chandler, who’s a little angry.)

indifferently adv.冷淡地

Chandler: That is funny. It was also funny when I made it up.

Ross: What?

Chandler: I made that joke up.

Ross: Uh, oh-oh, no you didn’t. I did.

Chandler: Uh, oh-oh ,Yes, I did. I told it to Dan at work, and he said it was the funniest joke he’d ever heard.

Ross: Hey, tell Dan, ‘Thanks.’

(Rachel is looking at the magazine and laughing.)

Ross: What?

Rachel: I’m sorry, I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny. (Ross grabs the magazine away from her.)

Chandler: Monica, you remember me telling you that joke, right?

Monica: No.

Chandler: Seriously?

Monica: Well, you tell a lot of jokes!

Ross: Look, Chandler, it’s my joke. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better they don’t print the name, so it doesn’t really matter who gets credit, right?

credit n.荣誉 赞扬 功劳

Chandler: Yeah, I guess.

Joey: (entering) Hey guys.

Chandler: (jumping up from his chair) Hey, Joey, Playboy printed my joke.

Ross: No, it’s mine, it’s my joke. You can call them, they’ll tell you.

Chandler: It’s my joke.

Ross: It’s my joke.

Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa. Jokes? You guys know they have naked chicks in there, right?

Opening Credits

[Scene: Joey’s apartment, Joey is sitting at the counter as Chandler enters.]

Chandler: Dude, you have got to turn on Behind the Music. The band Heart is having a really tough time, and I think they may break up(乐队)解散.

Behind the Music,VH1:钱德勒要到乔伊这里来看电视,因为莫尼卡要看烹调节目,而他想看VH1台的《音乐的背后(Behind the Music)》节目。VH1是MTV旗下的一个音乐台,《音乐的背后》是其著名的专题节目,主要是一些有关音乐界的独家专访和调查,钱德勒想看的这期是关于“心(Heart)”乐队解散的幕后消息。但乔伊的有线电视因为没有缴费已经被停了,乔伊还对着一片雪花的屏幕说:“那就是VH1,我必须告诉你,现在的孩子喜欢的音乐,对我来说只是一段噪音。我真不知道……”/ Behind the Music is a television series on VH1 that ran from 1997 to 2006, and continues to air sporadically(adv.零星地 偶尔地) with new episodes.

VH1 (VH-1: Video Hits One until 1994) is an American cable television channel that was created in January 1985 by Warner-Amex Satellite Entertainment, at the time(adv.当时) a division of Warner Communications and owners of MTV. VH1 and sister channel MTV are currently part of the MTV Networks division of Viacom.

Heart is an American rock band which came out of Bellevue, a suburb of Seattle, Washington State, USA. Going through several lineup(n.阵容) changes, the only constant members of the group are sisters Ann and Nancy Wilson. The group rose to fame in the 1970s with their music being influenced by hard rock groups like Led Zeppelin, as well as folk music and is widely popular in the classic rock scene. They experienced further success in the 1980s with their power ballads(n.歌谣) before dropping out of the public consciousness[n.(个人或群体的)意念 意识] in the late 1990s.

Joey: Let’s go watch it at your place.

Chandler: Nah, Monica’s watching some cooking show. Come on, I don’t want to miss when they were skinny.

skinny <俚>Inside information; the real facts[eg:I learned the skinny on their falling-out(n.闹翻)]

Joey: Chandler, Chandler, y’know what we should do? You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses.

Chandler: What? No, I want to watch this. (He turns on the television and the screen is completely covered in snow). Did your cable go out?

go out:Stop working/全美共有差不多800多个电视频道,这些电视频道被分为三类:以广告收入为主的电视台,如ABC、 CBS、NBC、FOX、 UPN 、WB这样的电视台,不收钱,观众打开电视想看就能看,电视台靠广告赚钱,收视率就成为广告商选择是否投入的绝对硬指标;第二类,是有线频道,像FX 、TNT 、USA、 BRAVO这样的有线电视频道,观众想看要交钱,不过交的不多,频道单靠这笔收入无法生存,所以频道还是会有广告,不过插播的数量和频率不像第一类电视台那么高;最后就是像HBO、SHOWTIME这样的付费频道。观众想看,就需要交纳一笔为数不小的费用。付费频道没有广告,节目不需要送审,收视率和广告赞助不再成为套在节目制作人头顶上的紧箍咒。这就意味着一些大胆,先锋且富有前卫意识的创新之作,不会因顾虑受众的承受能力而妥协、放弃甚至整体地被否决,埋葬。

Joey: No, that’s VH-1. I gotta tell you, the music these kids listen to today . . . It’s like a lotta noise to me. I don’t know…

Chandler: Joey, why is your cable out?

be out v.没有了/cable n.有线电视

Joey: I uh, oh! Because, uh, I haven’t really paid the bill

Chandler: If you need money, would you please-please just let me loan you some money?

Joey: No, Chandler. Look, forget about it别再谈了, okay? Look, I know things have been a little tight since Janine moved out. Oh, was she hot.

tight adj.(经济)拮据的

Chandler: Whoa ho.

Joey: I know! Yeah, but, look I can handle it. All right? Look, I can listen to the radio, huh? And Ross gave me this great book (holds up the Playboy magazine).

Chandler: (picks up the phone) All right, you want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place?

Joey: Sure.

Chandler: (with phone to ear, obviously hearing no dial tone) Paid your phone bill?

Joey: Not so much.

[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s, Monica and Rachel are on the couch looking at the Playboy magazine. When they hear someone coming, Monica goes to hide it under the sofa cushions.]

sofa cushion

Phoebe: (entering) Hey.

Monica: (relieved) It’s only you.

Phoebe: Wh-wh-what are you doing?

Rachel: We are looking at a Playboy.

Phoebe: Oh, I want to look too! (She runs over and sits down and checks out a picture). Yikes!

yikes int.<口>(表示惊讶)呀!

Monica: So do you think that these pictures—Are, are they trying to tell a story?

Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure. I mean, like in the case of this young woman, she has lost her clothes, so she rides naked on the horse, she’s crying out, ‘Where are they, where are they?’

in the case of adv.在…情况下 比如说

Monica: Well, she’s not going to find them lying in the grass like that.

(They flip through the pages to another picture.)

Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Aw, remember the days when you used to go out to the barn, lift up your shirt, and bend over?

barn n.谷仓

Rachel and Monica: Yeah.

Rachel: You see, now, I would date this girl. She’s cute, she’s outdoorsy, you know, and she knows how to build a fire. I mean, that’s got to come in handy

outdoorsy:Showing a liking for the outdoors/ come in handy v.迟早有用 派得上用场

Monica: Okay, I’ve got a question. If you had to pick one of us to date, who would it be?

Rachel: (thinks) I don’t know.

Monica: Me neither.

Phoebe: Rachel.

Monica: What?!

Phoebe: I don’t know. (Pause) Me neither.

[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, and Ross are sitting on the couch.]

Joey: you know,You forget how many great songs Heart had.

Chandler: Yeah.

Ross: You know, Barracuda was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard.

Barracuda:乔伊、钱德勒和罗斯在聊“心”乐队,这是由姐妹俩安娜·威尔森和南希·威尔森组成的流行乐队。罗斯说,“梭子鱼”是他在键盘乐上学会演奏的第一个歌曲。这是“心”乐队的一首名曲。不过,要是给罗斯的键盘乐糟蹋了,那就有点糟糕/”Barracuda” is a song written and recorded by the rock band Heart. It was released as the first single from the band’s second album Little Queen in 1977. The song is an aggressive rock and roll number which immediately drew comparisons to Led Zeppelin, particularly with Ann Wilson’s vocal delivery on the chorus: “…you’re gonna burn, burn, burn into the wick…”

Chandler: So, you heard it, you repeated it, so that must mean you wrote it.

Joey: Oh, you guys, with this joke. I gotta say, I know I cracked up, but I’m not even sure I got it.

crack up<俚>Burst or cause to burst out laughing

Ross: What, you didn’t get it? The doctor is a monkey.

(He and Chandler crack up.)

Chandler: And monkeys can’t write out prescriptions.

write out v.写出/prescription n.处方 药方

(He and Ross crack up again. Joey just sits there)

Chandler: (stops laughing, to Ross) You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.

Ross: Your joke? Well, I think‘the Hef’ would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars.

The Hef:罗斯和钱德勒为了争夺一个登在《花花公子》杂志上的笑话的版权而闹得不可开交。罗斯说,这不是钱德勒的笑话,因为“The Hef”显然不同意,他们把稿费寄到了我这里。“The Hef”是《花花公子》的代称,最初是指杂志创办人和主编休·海夫纳(Huzh Hefner)/ Hugh Marston Hefner (born April 9, 1926 in Chicago, Illinois), also referred to colloquially(adv.用通俗的话讲地) as Hef, is the founder and editor-in-chief(n.总编) of Playboy magazine. He has become an icon of American sexuality and a spokesman for the sexual revolution and libertarianism(n.自由主义论).

Chandler: So, you stole my joke, and you stole my money.

Ross: Well, I was going to本来想 stick it in the ATM, but now I think I’ll show the sexy teller that I am a published writer.

teller n.(银行)出纳员

Chandler: Well, she is going to know that you stole the joke.

Ross: Oh, what are you going to do, follow me down there?

Chandler: Yeah!

Ross: Well, I’m not going to go now anyway (he goes to sit down).

Chandler: Okay (he goes to sit down).

(Ross leaps out of his chair and runs out the door, with Chandler in hot pursuit.)

in hot pursuit adv.穷追不舍

Gunther: (handing Joey the bill) Here you go.

Joey: Ah, Gunther, I can’t pay for this right now because I’m not working, so I’ve had to cut down on some luxuries like uh, payin’ for stuff.

cut down on v.减少

Gunther: Well, if you want, you can work here.

Joey: Uh, I don’t know. Ya see, it’s just, see I was a regular on a soap opera y’know? And to go from that to this, I just… Plus, I’d have to wait on all my friends.

regular <口>老顾客 固定职工/wait on v.服侍 招待

Gunther: Okay, but the money’s good, plus you get to stare at Rachel as much as you want.

Joey: What?!

Gunther: Flexible hours.

flexible hours n.弹性工时

Joey: Maybe I could be a waiter. Could I use the phone?

[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s bedroom, they are in bed together.]

Monica: (visibly upset) She picked Rachel. I mean, she tried to back out of it, but it was obvious. She picked Rachel.

visibly adv.显然地/back out of it 收回(说过的话)

Chandler: (visibly upset) He took my joke, he took it.

Monica: It’s wrong. You know what else is wrong? Phoebe picking Rachel.

Chandler: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? I’m going to get a joke journal. Y’know? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.

journal n.日记本/document vt.用文件证明 为…提供文件(或证据等)

Monica: That’s a good idea.

Chandler: Yeah!

Monica: Do you know what’s a bad idea?

Chandler: Picking Rachel.

Monica: That’s right. (A noise comes from the living room.) Did you hear something?

Chandler: Maybe it’s the sound of Ross climbing into my brain and stealing my thoughts.

Monica: It’s coming from the living room.

(They go out to investigate, and find Joey wrapped in a blanket watching their television.)

Joey: (sheepishly) I finished my book. (Chandler and Monica slowly retreat back to bed.)

sheepishly adv.怯懦地

[Scene, Phoebe and Rachel’s, they’re sitting together on the couch.]

Monica: (entering) Hey, you guys.

Phoebe and Rachel: Hey.

Monica: (laughing) Oh, don’t you guys look cute. You guys make such a cute couple.

Rachel: Monica, what are you doing?

Monica: (laughing harder) Nothing, I’m just trying to recreate some of the fun that we had at my place the other day. (To Phoebe) Remember, when you picked Rachel over me? That was funny.

recreate :create anew 再次创造

Phoebe: I guess it was kinda funny.

Monica: (angrily) It wasn’t funny at all! Why would you do that? Why didn’t you pick me?

Phoebe: Fine. The reason that I was leaning a little bit more toward Rachel than you is just that you’re … just … kinda high maintenance—Okay let’s go to lunch!

high maintenance <俚> Requiring a lot of attention. When describing a person, high-maintenance usually means that the individual is emotionally needy or prone to over-dramatizing(adv.过分夸大) a situation to gain attention 很作

Monica: That is completely untrue. You think I’m high maintenance? Okay, prove it. I want you to make a list and we’re going to go through it point by point!

Phoebe: No, okay, you’re right. You’re easy-going. You’re just not as easy-going as Rachel. She’s just more flexible and-and mellow. That’s all.

easy-going adj.容易相处的 脾气随和的/flexible adj.温顺的/mellow <美俚>令人愉快的

Rachel: (To Monica) Well, people are different.

Phoebe: Ya, you know, Rachel … she’ll do whatever you want. Y’know, you can just walk all over her.

walk all over:Also, walk over. Treat contemptuously(adv.轻蔑地), be overbearing(adj.傲慢专横的) and inconsiderate to[eg:I don’t know why she puts up with the way he walks all over her]

Rachel: What? Wait a minute. What are you saying, that I’m a pushover? I’m not a pushover.

pushover<俚>someone who is easily controlled, offers very little resistance to what someone else wants to do, and backs down(v.放弃原主张) easily墙头草

Phoebe: Oh, okay, (laughing) you’re not a pushover.

Rachel: Oh my … you think I’m a pushover. Well wait, watch this, you know what? You’re not invited to lunch. What do you think of that? I think that’s pretty strong, that’s what I think. Come on, Monica, let’s go to lunch. (She leaves)

Monica: (to Phoebe) You start working on that list. (She grabs her coat and leaves, too.)

[Cut to the hallway.]

Rachel: I cannot believe her.

Monica: I know. Where do you wanna go eat?

Rachel: Oh, oh, I love that Japanese place.

Monica: I’m sick of Japanese. We’re not going there.

Rachel: (be a pushover immediately)All right, wherever you wanna go is cool.

Monica: All right.

[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are there as Ross enters and sees Gunther.]

Ross: (showing the Playboy magazine to Gunther) Oh, hey, Gunther, check this out.

(Gunther looks at the joke and laughs.)

Gunther: Yeah, that-that Chandler cracks me up.

(Ross begins to say something, realizes what Gunther just said, turns, and glares at Chandler. Chandler just shrugs it off.)

shrug off v.耸肩表示蔑视

Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you want anything to drink,‘cause I’m heading up there.

Ross: Uh, yeah, I’ll take a coffee. Thanks, man.

Joey: Sure. (To Monica and Rachel) Coffee? ‘Cause I’m going up there.

Rachel: No.

Monica: No, thank you.

Joey: (to a table of strangers) You guys need anything,‘cause I’m heading up there.

Woman: I’d love an ice water.

ice water n.(用作饮料的)冰水

Joey: You got it没问题(帮某人忙时说的).

Monica: Joey, what are you doing?

Joey: Just being friendly. (He gives Monica a‘what’s wrong with you?’ look and proceeds to walk behind the counter.)

Rachel: Joey, honey, I don’t think you’re supposed to go back there.

Joey: Nah, it’s okay. Right, Gunther? (Winks at him as if they’re in on a secret together.)

Gunther: Don’t wink at me. And put on your apron.

apron n.围裙

Joey: Okay, but I don’t see you asking any other paying customers to put on aprons.

Monica: Joey, do you work here?

Joey: No.

Customer: Hey, waiter.

Joey: Yeah?

Commercial Break

[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier.]

Monica: Joey, what’s going on. What didn’t you tell us you work here?

Joey: It’s kind of embarrassing, y’know. I mean, I was an actor and now I’m a waiter. It’s supposed to go in the other direction互相颠倒 反过来.

Chandler: So is your apron. You’re wearing it like a cape.

cape n.披肩 斗篷

Joey: I mean, the job’s easy and the money’s good, you know? I guess I’m going to be hanging out here anyway. I might as well get paid for it, right? I just feel kind of weird serving you guys.

Rachel: Come on, Joey, I did it and it was fine.

Ross: Yeah, why would it be weird? Hey, Joey, can I get some coffee?

Joey: Okay, I guess it doesn’t seem that weird.

Ross: Seriously, I-I asked you before and you still haven’t gotten it.

Joey: See, now it’s weird again.

Chandler: I think it’s great that you work here. You’re going to make a lot of money, and here’s your first tip: Don’t eat yellow snow. (He laughs, then picks up a pen, glares at Ross, and writes in his journal). Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.

Don’t eat yellow snow:小心别摔倒。来源于Frank Zappa的一首同名歌曲,原歌词为:Watch out where the huskies(n.哈士奇 爱斯基摩犬) go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow.

[以下一篇文章与yellow snow息息相关,摘自国外的某篇Blog: this weekend we got lots of inches of snow. i’m not sure on the exact number, but lots of snow, big heaping piles of it. there’s also lots of yellow snow, especially in my neighborhood. apparently it’s the doggie loo. i can’t tell you how many people have told me NOT TO EAT THE YELLOW SNOW. as if i need to be told! i mean, it’s not like i go around picking up snow off the ground and eating it. it may be true that i am inexperienced with snow but dammit, i KNOW. NOT. TO. EAT. THE. YELLOW. SNOW.]

Frank Vincent Zappa(December 21, 1940 – December 4, 1993) was an American composer, guitarist, singer, film director, and satirist(n.讽刺作家). In a career spanning more than 30 years, Zappa established himself as a prolific(adj.多产的) and highly distinctive(adj.与众不同的) musician, composer and band leader. He worked in almost every musical genre and wrote music for rock bands, jazz ensembles(n.合唱曲), synthesizers(n.合成乐) and symphony orchestra(n.交响乐团), as well as radiophonic works constructed from pre-recorded, synthesized or sampled sources. In addition to his music recordings, he created feature-length[adj.(电影)达到正片应有的长度] and short films, music videos, and album covers.

Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom to. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.

go a long way v.大有帮助/sneeze vi.打喷嚏

muffin n.妙芙

Joey: Thanks, Rach. Look, you guys are just terrific. Y’know? Now, how about clearing out of here so I can get some new customers. It’s all about turnover.

clear out <口>离开/turnover n.营业额

Ross: Joey, seriously, can I get my coffee?

Joey: Oh, I’m sorry, Ross. I’ll get it for you right now. And since I made you wait, I’ll toss in a free muffin.

(He looks at Rachel and winks, she gives him the thumbs-up sign.)

[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel’s, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Rachel and Monica enter.]

Rachel: Phoebe. We would like to talk to you for a second.

Phoebe: Okay.

Monica: So, maybe I am a little high maintenance. And maybe Rachel is a little bit of a pushover. But you know what we decided you are?

Rachel: Yes, we are very sorry to tell you this, but you, Phoebe, are flaky.

flaky adj.<俚>古里古怪的 疯疯癫癫的/flaky <俚>An unreliable person. A procrastinator(n.拖拉者). A careless or lazy person. Dishonest and doesn’t keep to their word. They’ll tell you they’re going to do one thing, and never do it. They’ll tell you that they’ll meet you somewhere, and show up an hour late or don’t show up at all.

Monica: Hah!

Phoebe: That true, I am flaky.

Rachel: So, what, you’re just, you’re just okay with being flaky?

Phoebe: Yeah, totally.

Monica: Well, then, I’m okay with being high maintenance.

Rachel: Yeah, and I am okay with being a pushover.

Phoebe: That’s great. Good for you guys.

Monica: I am not high maintenance!

Rachel: I am not a pushover!

Phoebe: Who said you were?

Monica and Rachel: You did!

Phoebe: Oh, I’m flaky. I’ll say anything.

[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is coming back from using the phone.]

Joey: Hey, Gunther. Can you uh, can you cover for me? I just got an audition.

cover for v.代替

Gunther: No, I’m leaving to get my hair dyed.

dye v.染头发

Joey: Really?! I like your natural color. Come on man, it’s a great part. Look, check it out. I’m the lead guy’s best friend and I wait for him in this bar and save his seat. Listen-listen. ‘I’m sorry, that seat’s saved.’

save v.保留/the seat’s saved 这位子有人

Gunther: That’s the whole part?

Joey: Okay, maybe he’s not his best friend, but …

Gunther: Okay, I’ll see you in an hour.

Joey: Oh, man, I could totally get that part.‘I’m sorry, that seat is taken.’

Patron: Oh, excuse me.

Joey: No, no, I didn’t mean you. But, you believed me, huh?

Patron: I believed you were saving this seat for someone.

Joey: So, you’d hire me, right?

Patron: For what?

Joey: Exactly! All right, everybody, listen up. The coffeehouse is going to be closed for about an hour.

listen up v.听好了啊! 注意听

Customers: Huh? What?

Joey: Yeah, it’s for the kids. To keep the kids off drugs. It’s a very important issue in this month’s Playboy. I’m sure you all read about it.(sees the only customer sitting)  Hey! Don’t you wanna keep guns away from kids?

CustomerYou said,’drugs.’

Joey: It’s a vicious cycle. Get out! Go!

vicious adj.不道德的 刻毒的 堕落的/vicious cycle n.恶性循环

[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s, Chandler and Ross are both pouting and sitting on the couch.]

pout v. 撅嘴 绷脸

Ross: It’s my joke.

Chandler: It’s my joke.

Ross and Chandler: It’s my joke.

Ross: Y’know, I don’t think we’re going to settle this解决这个问题.

Chandler: Let’s have Monica decide.

Ross: Yeah!

Chandler: Yeah!

Ross: Hey Mon.

Chandler: Mon, get out here!

Ross: Monica! (She appears, not sure why she was summoned.)

summon v.召唤

Chandler: Okay, okay. You have to help us decide whose joke this is.

Monica: Why do I have to decide?

Chandler: Because you’re the only one that can be fair.

Ross: Yeah.

Monica: I can’t be fair. You’re my boyfriend.

Ross: Yeah, but I’m your brother. We’re family. That’s the most important thing in the world.

Chandler: (to Ross) Don’t try to sway her. (To Monica) (Softly) I’m your only chance to have a baby. Okay, let’s go.

sway vt.摇摆 左右

Ross: We’ll each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truth—me.

Monica: Okay, Chandler, you go first.

Chandler: Okay, I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve.

Monica: Oh, wait, is he the guy I met at Christmas?

Chandler: Can I finish my story?!

Monica: Do you want me to pick you?!

Ross: See, I would never snap at you like that.

snap at v.厉声说/snap at sb 多某人很凶

(Chandler motions to Monica that he’ll give her two babies.)

Monica: Continue.

Chandler: So Steve said he had to go to the doctor. And Steve’s doctor’s name is Doctor Mompey. So I said, ‘Doctor Monkey?’ And that is how the whole Doctor Monkey thing came up. (He slams his feet up on the table to emphasize his point.)

Ross: Are you kidding? Okay, look. I-I studied evolution. Remember, evolution? Monkey into man? Plus, I’m a doctor, and I had a monkey. I’m Doctor Monkey!

Chandler: I’m not arguing with that.

Monica: All right, I’ve heard enough. I’ve made my decision.

(Both Chandler and Ross are eager to hear her decision.)

Monica: You are both idiots. The joke is not funny, and it’s offensive to women, and doctors, and monkeys! You shouldn’t be arguing over who gets credit, you should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world! Now let it go别再说了! The joke sucks!

argue over v.辩论某事/inflict vt.使遭受(损伤等) 加以(处罚或判刑)(+on/upon)

(Monica leaves the room)

Ross: It’s your joke.

Chandler: Is not.

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting at a table and Phoebe is on the couch. Chandler and Monica can be seen outside, she’s lecturing him, and pushes him inside. He then nods to Rachel, and is obviously counting off the seconds in his head and then Monica makes a grand enterance.]

lecture vt.训话 告诫

Monica: Hi, Chandler. There you are.

Chandler: Hi, oh hi.

Monica: Hey, it’s Phoebe and Rachel. Um, why don’t you tell them what you were telling me earlier about me not being high maintenance?

(Rachel and Phoebe exchange looks.)

Chandler: (starts to recite a rehearsed speech) Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. (Pause.) Being with her has been like being on a vacation. And what may be perceived as high maintenance is merely attention to detail and—(He falters and Monica prompts him.)—generosity of spirit.

rehearsed speech n.排练好的讲话/self-sufficient adj. 1.Able to provide for oneself without the help of others; independent. 2.Having undueconfidence;smug(adj.自鸣得意的)/together <口>沉着稳定的/together lady<俚>Being a ‘together’ person can mean having well-organised ideas, or being sensible and confident/falter vi.(声音)颤抖犹豫 畏缩 支吾/prompt v.催促

Rachel: Wow, you know what? That is the best fake speech I think I’ve ever heard.

Phoebe: Really? I’ve heard better.

Monica: Wait, wait, he came up with that himself. Tell them, Chandler.

Chandler: (To Chandler) I’m out of words. Should I just say the whole thing again?

out of words adj.没词了

Monica: Look, I am not high maintenance. I am not. Chandler!

Chandler: (pauses as he struggles with what he has to say) You’re a little high maintenance.

Monica: Ahhh! You are on my list你上了我的黑名单.

Chandler: I’m sorry. You’re not easy-going, but you’re passionate, and that’s good. And when you get upset about the little things, I think that I’m pretty good at making you feel better about that. And that’s good too. So, they can say that you’re high maintenance, but it’s okay, because I like … maintaining you.(a little bit enchanted by his sweet words )

Monica: (embarrassed) (To Phoebe and Rachel) I didn’t even tell him to say that. (They hug). All right you’re off my list.

Chandler: (happily) I’m off the list. (Sits on the couch.)

Monica: (sits next to him) Phoebe, it’s okay that you don’t want me to be your girlfriend because I have the best boyfriend.

Phoebe: (to Monica) Y’know, suddenly I find you very attractive.

(Joey enters.)

Chandler: Hey, buddy boy, how’d the audition go?

Joey: Not good, no. I didn’t get the part, and I lost my job here, so …

Phoebe: Wow! That is a bad audition.

Rachel: How-how did you lose your job here?

Joey: Well, I had the audition but Gunther said I had to stay here and be in charge so he could go get his hair dyed. So, I went anyway, and then he fired me.

Rachel: He left work in the middle of the day to do a personal errand and left you in charge when you’ve been working here two days? That’s not, that’s not right.

errand n.差使/personal errand n.私事

Joey: Yeah, what are ya gonna do?

Rachel: Joey, you can’t let him get away with that. Ya know what, I’m not going to let him get away with that. I’m going to say something to him—No, I really shouldn’t say anything—No, I should say something to him. (Goes to the counter) Gunther, I want you to give Joey his job back. That is really not fair that you have to fire him…

get away with v.侥幸成功 逃脱处罚

Gunther: Okay.

Rachel: What?

Gunther: He can have his job back.

Rachel: That’s right, he can have his job back. I’m glad we got that all straightened out. There you go, Joey, you got your job back.

straighten out v.澄清

Joey: That’s great. Thanks Rach.

Rachel: Yeah, pretty nice, huh? Now who’s a pushover?

Phoebe: (returning from the bathroom) Rach, you’re in my seat.

Rachel: Oh, I’m sorry. (Gets up and moves.)

Ending Credits

[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting at the kitchen table, talking.]

Phoebe: Hey, I never got to hear who you guys would pick to be your girlfriend.

Monica: I pick you, Phoebe.

Rachel: Oh, yeah. Definitely you, Pheebs.

Phoebe: Yeah, well, I kinda thought我原来基本上就是这样认为的.

(Phoebe gets up from the table, and while her back is turned, Rachel and Monica indicate via sign language that they each would have picked the other.)

sign language n.手语

(Joey, Chandler and Ross enter.)

Chandler: Hey.

Rachel: Hey. Oh, I have a question. If-if-if one of you had to pick one of the other two guys to go out with, who would you pick?

Ross: No way.

Joey: I’m not answering that.

Chandler: Joey! (Pause as they all stare at him.) No way. I’m not answering that.

End

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